Unrequited
by Another Writer Who Loves
Summary: Its Sams last night on earth and Dean wants to give him something he's wanted for a while. During 5x23 Swan Song


Dean parked them in a field somewhere, where wasn't important anymore. They were alone and far from everyone else and they were under the stars with a cooler filled with beer.

There was a second cooler in the truck waiting for him filled with demon blood but that was for tomorrow.

Sam got out of the car and leaned against it, staring up at the stars as Dean dragged the cooler out and settled it next to them. Wordlessly he reached into it and pulled out two bottles, opening both of them he held it out to Sam.

Sam took the beer and stared at it for a few moments before he forced himself to take a drink, trying to sort through the mess in his head.

"You wanna talk?" Dean asked lowly, leaning against the impala next to him.

Sam shook his head, turning the bottle between his hands. "Nothing to talk about." he said quietly. "I'm going to say yes to Lucifer and then drag us both into hell."

He could feel Dean flinch beside him and slowly breathed out, tilting his head back up to look at the stars.

"Sammy." Dean started to say, pausing as he tried to think of the right words to say. "Listen-"

"Dean, we don't have anything else to say anymore." Sam interrupted. "Everything that could've been said has been, there's...nothing else."

From the corner of his eyes he could see Dean was looking at him. He turned to look at his brother as well, just staring at him in silence as he tried to memorize every last part of him. He knew his brothers face better than his but he just...wanted to look at him.

He could see Dean swallow hard before he seemed to come to something and before Sam could move Dean leaned in and brushed his lips against his.

Sam's eyes widened and for a moment, for one simple, pure, amazing moment, he relaxed and pressed back into him before he forced himself to step back away from his brother.

Dean looked at him, confusion clear on his face. "I thought that..." he didn't finish what he was going to say, Sam already knew what he wanted to anyway.

He had thought that Sam had wanted this. This, whatever it was, had been one of the biggest fight between them, rivaling only with the whole Ruby and the demon blood thing.

Sam always knew that he was the freak, he was the one with something wrong with him with every way possible. There were things inside of him that shouldn't be and instead of doing the right thing and ignoring it he actually tried to act on it.

No one normal would fall in love with their brother after all.

And especially no one normal would actually confess to their brother, hoping that it would lead to somewhere where those feelings were returned.

He had told Dean at seventeen that he felt more for him, that he was in love with him and had tried to kiss him.

Dean had immediately shoved him away and started making excuses, that Sam was lonely and they were all that they had, that he just needed to get out more and find someone else.

So he did the next best thing, he applied for college in as many schools as his financial aid managed to cover for him and hoped that he would get in. He couldn't remain with Dean knowing how he felt and that it wasn't going to go away.

And that night when he had told his dad and brother about Stanford, when Dean drove him to the bus station in silence, his brother had asked him what he could do to make Sam stay.

So Sam had told him the truth, he wanted Dean and just Dean. He didn't want anyone else and he didn't want to be 'normal'. That if Dean could give him that then he could stay.

Dean had hesitated and Sam knew that if Dean could give it to him, then it wouldn't be real. It would just be a fake thing that Dean was going to pretend with to make Sam happy and to make him stay.

And he couldn't do that to his brother so he left. And neither of them mentioned it again, ever since they got back together into the hunting life and as brothers they didn't talk about it or even say anything about it.

But Dean knew that it was still there, Meg when she had possessed him had made it clear to Dean that Sam still felt unbrotherly things to him and had told Dean so.

They also didn't talk about when Zachariah had erased their memories, when they were normal 9-5 guys working in an office as Smith and Wesson, they had kissed. Neither of them mentioned it and Sam tried to bury it deep into his memories and ignore it.

But now...Dean had that same face. That same face he had from that night he had taken Sam to the bus for Stanford. The face of someone who was willing to do something he didn't want to do but for his little brother, he was willing to sacrifice it.

Sam stared at him in shock and hurt, swallowing hard. "Why?" he managed to get out.

Dean stared back at him, straightening up a bit and wiping at his lips with the back of his hand. "Cause...you're going to hell." he whispered. "And...you've wanted this. And I wanted to..."

He didn't finish, he didn't have to. It was Sam's last night on earth and Dean wanted to give him something that he always wanted. Wanted to give him something that would make him happy.

A part of him wanted to take it. A part of him wanted to know what it was like to be with his brother like that, wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed and touched by his brother.

But the other part of him, the better part, knew that he could never take it. Dean could never feel like that towards him. His brother loved him unconditionally, he knew that deep down. He would never have sold his soul for him if he didn't.

But there was a difference between loving him and being in love with him and he knew exactly where his brother stood.

Sam sighed and slid down onto the ground, sitting and leaning against the impala. He stretched his legs out in front of him and let his head hit back against the metal.

It took a few moments before Dean did the same, sitting down next to him against the impala. He hesitated but reached out for Sam's hand, holding onto it. Sam allowed that much, he needed to feel his brother somehow to ground him down and remind him of why he was doing this.

Moving a bit more Sam placed his head on Dean's shoulder like he had when he was younger and was able to do this without hurting his neck so much.

This much he could have, this much he could allow himself, this much wouldn't make him hate himself anymore than he already did.

Sam closed his eyes and savored the feeling of his brothers hand in his, the press of their sides as they sat together on the ground. This wasn't going to last that much longer anymore.

Dawn was rapidly approaching after all.

**I do not own Supernatural. **

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